Ah, vital youth

yoof

A Wednesday evening visit to Forum Dalmata (as we call it in our house) for some vital supplies. (wednesday in the hope that it wasn't tooooo heaving... we were wrong)

Fagging away* to the left of me, to the right of me, in front and everywhere else, teenaged girls, giving each other and everyone else the evil eye. Tummies in the open air, big bottoms waggling around...ach, as much as I promised razor-edged irony (see comments from yesterday) ... well... is it necessary? The drawing says it all. UGH!

*that means smoking FAGS. i.e. english english, not american english

Proof of erm.. something... on the telly

education

So, obviously paraphrased and badly caricatured (I wasn't actually watching this, just listening from the other end of the room, so Manuela possibly wasn't wearing this exact tshirt... and the reporter, ach, I'm sure she looked like this!) ANYWAY. This is TVI news. Does it makes sense? Does to me!

And one of these days I'll tell the whole world about the STRANGE habits of the Education system in this country (and they ARE strange).

Madge's drawings spotted on another blog?

everyman

Madge, my artistic sister, has been MOONLIGHTING! We had words, and the next thing I know she's doing THINGS with Afixe (afixe - sem tendências, apenas contra a mediocridade e a intolerância (trans. non partisan, just against mediocrity and intolerance. but I suspect you could have worked that out for yourselves) ), non-vitriolica things (would you credit it?), un-unkemptwomen things (does that make them kemptwomen things?), things wholly unrelated to anything here in MY blog except what she feels like doing (or what Monty challenges her to do!). And now she wants to put something up here that she did for THEM cos she's rather proud of it and hopes it might inspire you to visit afixe if you haven't been there before.

so, I posted this drawing with HUGE apologies to Leonardo, my hero)
Two reasons for this drawing, a. the original Vitruvio is the symbol used by the Afixe blog and Monty, one of the Afixadores, challenged Madge to it, and b. Bernardo, another Afixador, is battling against the "Da Vinci Code" machine at the moment, having seen right through it (I may tell you the the "Da Vinci Code" has been consigned to the back of the bookshelves of our house only to be read in dire emergency after our resident professor (no, I don't call him that to his face!) suffered it to the end, just to see if it was as bad ALL the way through and wasn't missing a mysterious twist to explain the utter nonsense) ...) so all in all a kind of daft hommage to Signor da Vinci.

Oh, go on then, she can put this one up as well... (Monty suggested a drawing about the "birth of light and colour"... if I recall...la la la la la la)

hawk phew... hawk phew... hawk phew...

allabored

On Saturday we (me, madge and madge's delightful family) went out for lunch at the industrial pizzaria that is Casanova, along the river, next to the Gare Marítimo and Bica do Sapato
... wonderful pizzas and no queueing (that's a lie... there's lots of queueing... but I won't queue, so we go BEFORE the queue...clever!). Parked up alongside was an enormous cruise liner. As we walked from the car park to the glorious smell of garlic encrusted pizza, we all looked longingly at this cruise liner, thinking, GOSH, wouldn't it be lovely to get on there for a couple of weeks, nothing to do but read, talk, snooze, stop the children from drowning...
Then of course we were reminded of the reality of cruise lining as we walked past the queue of English pensioners going back to the ship (a very orderly queue of course, as it was an English queue)... a line of pasty looking old people waiting in line with their plastic carrier bags with a bottle of tourist grade Port in time for an easily masticated lunch before bridge and tea dances in the afternoon, dinner and an early bedtime.

hawk phew... hawk phew... hawk phew...

I daydreamed for a split second of a cruise just for interesting people with interesting things to do, just think two thousand interesting people with interesting things to say stuck on a boat together for two interesting weeks. But then I thought that it would either be blown out of the water by stupid terrorists or that the egos of two thousand interesting people would collide into third world war anyway.

It was a good dream though.

hawk phew... hawk phew... hawk phew...

("hawk phew" is how you write snoring in english... honest)

This world is going to hell

thehorror

I am moved to put this drawing up. I am moved to it because this world really is going to hell. And this is what I see.

I know that there are many people that are horribly oppressed. But I just don't believe that most terrorism is born of this oppression, and the terrorism carried out in the name of the oppressed does NOTHING, absolutely NOTHING for the cause of the oppressed. Terrorism is just carried out by young men out to get what they want. Do we feel more empathy for Iraqi citizens when Europeans are beheaded in their name? Do we side more with the Chechens after what they did in Beslan? Of course not, and the terrorists know that. They don't care.

I could write an enormous post on terror, but I'm not going to. It seems that these days we all have our opinions set in concrete on these matters...despise or empathise? I know that political correctness is doing an awful lot to maintain terror. Because of political correctness hate-filled men (hateful of "the West", yet living in it, using its modernity) call each other to arms in the streets of British cities and no-one can raise a voice against them... and this is at the same time as Gurkhas (the division of the British army consisting of Nepalese men, regarded as some of the most skilled men in the world) who have fought and laid their lives on the line for Britain are refused right to live in that country.

So I shall stick to my flippant frippery of a blog and life and pretend that we still live in a beautiful world and I shall ignore the terrorists, as we all should do, like we always used to, deny them their publicity, deny them their oxygen, deny them their "fun".

They are laughing at all of us, right now. I hope you know that.

Oppression and war are wrong, but reacting to them with terrorism is worse.

"Despise oppression, but fear the oppressed" is pretty much all we can do now. Great. Thanks.

Rubbernecking

atree

A little girl has been murdered, probably by family members. The police and concerned neighbours are searching for her body.

RTP, SIC and TVI, the three terrestrial TV companies RUSH to the scene to report on the story, telenovela style. They interview some "members of the general public" (that ridiculous phrase) who are standing around, watching the search in the scrubland.

"So, why are you here?" ask the reporters.
Shamelessly, brazenly, they say "Curiosity", even with smiles on their faces. They didn't know the eight year old girl and they aren't helping to find her remains. They are just standing there... watching.

Is it me, or is that REPULSIVE?

Manure!

shooting

Following the ENORMOUS success of my telenovella "Rabbits in the Sun" (if you haven't seen it you're REALLY missing some great rabbit action!) I've decided to get into the TV bigtime...

Presenting "Shooting Gallery of the Stars!" I have talked to Cinha and José, and they are up for it (they are under contract not to tell the press what will go on in "Shooting Gallery of the Stars", it doesn't matter, it's FREAKING OBVIOUS!)

I just have to wait out "A Quinta das Celebridades" and if they haven't all fainted from smelling cow poo in the morning, I'll be there at the gate with their contracts for "Shooting Gallery of the Stars!"

Of course there will be a sequel to "Shooting Gallery of the Stars!", though obviously with different celebs.

Margaret Thatcher (not one of my fave chicks ever, but she did come out with some good one liners once in a while) said we must deny terrorists the "oxygen of publicity" (how very very true, take them off the telly) ... what about celebs? Or shall we just deny them oxygen?

Don't his arms ache?

Bikers

I saw this bloke this morning driving along the EN10, and thought, "don't you look silly? just silly!" while I'm sure he's thinking "Don't I look HARD! and INTIMIDATING! Grrrrrrr!"

I rather thought that the Hell's Angel kind of thing had grown out of itself, but it seems not. But, GOSH, doesn't it look uncomfortable. At least in a Piaggio Ape you can sit up straight, smoke a fag, with your arms in a sensible DOWN position, AND carry mother-in-law in the back.

I ain't no stick insect... are you?

badfashion

All I have to say is ... Why do designers design clothes for skinny people with skinny feet? And why is it obligatory for fashion trends to resurface every twenty years when those trends were bloody ghastly the first time round?

Can you tell who had to go shopping today?

You can, can't you?

Praça de Alegria

pt_ladies_col

This picture? Oh, I don't know where it came from. I think I had been watching "Praça de Alegria" or "SIC 10 horas" (for english readers... think "Richard and Judy" with extra folk music).

Anyway, I put it up while I was wrecking my sidebar at the time (an illustrator who hasn't got a pretty blog? it can't be, it just can't be....)

Regresso - Rentree - aaaaaaagh!

cars

Now everyone is well and truly back from their extended Augusts. This is how our main road is (I never notice how quiet it is in August until September when everyone comes back).
notinha da rodapé: I don't know who the green bloke is!

strictly 'orrible

strictly

While channel flicking the other night, waiting for the kettle to boil, I stopped at TV Galicia on cable, partly because from time to time I challenge myself to see if I can understand Galego, it being so similar to Portuguese (it's so I can convince myself I am multi-lingual), and partly because there was a ballroom competition on. I am mesmerized by this stuff, not because it is so clever (which it is, what deft feet, hips and earings these dancers have), but because I can't understand how this sport has so taken the sex out of the dance. I shall cite three films now where the tango (and others) are "done" as sultry, beautiful, sexy dances that make you want to go out and grab yourself a hot sweaty black-clad male and ... erm ... tango! (or, if you're a boy, a curvy, latina, sex bomb with rhythm): Moulin Rouge (the jealous argentinian narcolep and the french dancer), The Scent of a Woman (a blind Al "sexpot on damn short legs" Pacino tangoes with a young thing he has never met and SNIFFS her....ooo er...) and even Strictly Ballroom which, while mercilessly taking the piss out of ballroom dancing, made it utterly desirable and sexy (that's TWO aussie films...hmmm...wonder why that is?)

The stuff that one sees on the telly (why did they axe "Come Dancing"? why, why WHY? ...BBC's Ballroom competition show for about 85 years...'orrible) is all sardonically grinning women with their hair stuck down to their heads with glue, too much makeup and polyester dresses with sequins and fringes and men with too big bottoms with black flares and orange faces, dancing in a jerky, ugly way, trying to out-clever each other, killing the sex. You just feel that the two dancers hate each other, they certainly have no sexual attraction between them. It just makes me shudder, but I can't switch it off.

I try, I really really do.

fatuous

...but I cannot bring myself to watch Portuguese telly for more than five minutes. It would be good to watch more than the news to scrub up my spoken pt, hear more colloquial stuff, y'know, innit (see, I watch eastenders!). But, I can't bear it. I can't bear the fatuous telenovelas which fill the evenings which stretch a short story into seven months of nightly drivel. I can't stand it that nothing starts at any time in particular (HOW do they run those places? How do they say... oooh well maybe "Rabbits in the Sun" (that's the name of the telenovela I've decided to script) will go on at about oooh, 9pm-ISH? Ah well, whenever... lallala la!). I can't sit through another "We Worship Fame for Fame's Sake" shows, where "whacky" interviewers go round interviewing the select band of faces who seem to populate the "right" clubs and bars and parties, the people who are famous for being famous or TV stars and the like. Last night (see above) I sat through a half an hour of such drivel/dribble. I felt inspired to draw a part of it. WHO IS THIS STUFF AIMED AT? Gawd only knows.

This is Blaugustine's fault

nekked5

Well, the story goes that Kevin left a comment here, to which challenge Natalie responded while also complying with a wish of Dick's who in turn had done Candide's bidding. confused? well so am I, but it meant that I had to post a picture of Vit (well she's the main blogger around here) naked in the place she blogs (and everything else) from. And as luck should have it, she was just wandering through our corridor office when I was shooting a panoramic view of said corridor office with my extremely low grade webcam. Oh, she's so shy! (I'm not entirely sure why she has was walking naked through the house having just dyed her hair to a rather Rita Hayworth colour, but it's Wednesday/Thursday, so who cares)

New Tyres... brrrrmmmmmm... brrrrrmmmmmmmm!

sexysaxo

Okay, so it isn't pink, and vit doesn't really look like a Lempicka painting, but that's an accurate portrait of the kids and me...madge, that is. I can't draw cars without a month's work first and vit has been pressuring me to do a Lempicka-ish portrait of her for days, especially after the ones where I gave her those mickey mouse ears (perfect ex. CLICK)

SO, I got some new tyres today, which were desperately needed, and the oil changed. OOh, there's nothing like driving on new tyres with a freshly oiled engine. vooooooooooooom (that is me doing 50kph).

I also needed the mechanic to look at the "airbag, please, could you, if you have time? the light is flashing" which came back as "yep, sure, I'll look at the eeerbeg" and I realized that I had never heard the word airbag spoken since I've lived in this country. Great guys though, since they were rushed off their feet/wheels and still fitted me in cos I told them that my sogro (father in law) had booked the car in.

I didn't realise at the time that the car WAS booked in, but at the OTHER mechanic's down the road. Ooops.

Ah well, all's well that ends well and I have four new tyres and a non flashing eeerbeg light.

Announcing: Blogs Illustrated

magcover1

Our new blog ring, of, strangely enough, illustrated blogs. see the link up in the top corner? Go and see some other lovely illustrated blogs. It is a big mix of different styles, different talents, different everything.

revenge of the farinheira

farinheira

We had lunch with Madge's in laws (sogros) today. And guess what Sogrissima made for lunch... bloody Cozido à Portuguesa. And what was my last column in Inimigo about? Bloody Cozido à Portuguesa. It was her REVENGE!

For those who don't know: cozido à portuguesa is a kind of stew, where various lumps of meat, bones, gristle, cartilage, ears, noses, arses etc. of mostly pig, but you can put in other meats too, cabbages, carrots, turnips, potatoes, and enchidos (smoked sausages of various kinds and flavours) are put in an enormous stock pot and left to simmer for gawd knows how long. The enchidos give their flavour to everything else and it is then all eaten with rice and pasta and bread (and even the juice is eaten as soup afterwards). It is perfectly reasonable to eat, but looks horrible, all grey and wobbly fat and gristle. It takes about five years to get used to it.

And today, Sogrissima had made it SUPER wobbly with extra bits of nose, just to upset me. And to cap it all there was a super ugly sausage that took its particularly personal revenge on me. A farinheira (lit. flour-ery, like nurs-ery or scull-ery (I'm clutching at straws, sorry, it's been a long day, sitting heavily still on my stomach)) is a kind of mushy sausage that tastes okay I suppose delicious (its cousin, the ALHEIRA is my fave pt sausage, btw). It is all wrinkly and sloppy looking when it is boiled. Mmmmm. The Farinheira managed TO SMEAR ITSELF ALL OVER SEVERAL PAGES MY SKETCHBOOK WHEN THE SKETCHBOOK WAS ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ROOM FOR THE WHOLE TIME. I know now that enchidos also read Inimigo Publico.

INCOMING!

incoming

This is me metaphorically ducking in the face of the aggro I'm gonna get after some people read Inimigo today. While I'm supposed to be (and I'm ALMOST FINISHED, herr direktor!) working on something of national importance, I felt I ought to make a pre-emptive strike today....
They MADE me do it!

la la la la

opera4

There is absolutely no reason for putting this drawing on my cyber pin board (naff, I know) except that I feel like it and it makes me laugh. The reason it makes me laugh is because I don't like opera and when I drew it I was going to put an axe in her head or something. Maybe I still will. I may write/draw a BD (comic in English) about a bunch of opera singers being murdered. Oh, no point, you know the ending now!

Oh, I dunno, it's been a long day, and sometimes I have to do something other than Portugal. Which means... it's my blog, and I'll blog disparate/nonsense if I want to.