Modern torture methods

Imagine the scene: A middle-aged hygiene-product designer, sitting at his/her drawing board in his/her sanitized office, with forty other hygiene-product designers, looking out of the smoked-glass windows, wondering if this is all there is... wondering how many "ergonomic" shapes can there possibly exist for a toothbrush... wondering how quickly his/her name will disappear into history after he/she is gone... calculating how long till they retire.... wondering if the bloke who thought of stripey toothpaste was ever commemorated... wondering wondering wondering.... when a cat walks along the window ledge, sits down and starts licking itself. With that nasty rough tongue cats insist on having.

"Eureka!" thinks the bored product designer, "that shall be my claim to fame and fortune!" for he/she invents the TONGUE SCRUBBER on the BACK OF THE TOOTHBRUSH.

Imagine the scene: Here I am, waiting for replacement brush heads for "Sonic the Toothbrush" to arrive in the post... for they are so exclusive, cool and head buzzing (though not blue and spinny like Sonic the Hedgehog) that they must be ordered.... I digress... so I have to buy an interim non head vibrating non electrical toothbrush with which I must do all the work (Sonic the Toothbrush does EVERYTHING... I just have to stand in front of the mirror).

And this interim toothbrush is quite pretty, looking a bit like a Nike trainer, with rubbery "ergonomic" bits so my poor hand doesn't get toothbrush strain (one day, no one will be able to hold anything square anymore... a tragic day in history that will be....) and it is very light, further helping to avoid carpal tunnel syndrome from excessive weight... Sonic the Toothbrush weighs about four kilos... in a nice way.

And on the back of the head of this interim toothbrush is some further rubber, with rubbery fingery bits, that looks like a sex aid if you ask me (more bloody porn googling coming soon then) and I realize it is one of those TONGUE SCRUBBERS that I've seen advertized on the telly.."Don't leave home without scrubbing the shit off your tongue, cos otherwise the completely anonymous man you kiss in the metro will either vomit immediately or catch the plague from you or shout out loudly 'this woman has puke-breath'" or words and images to that effect...

So I TRY the toungue scrubber.....



Bloody bored hygiene-product designers. Luckily I wasn't intending to kiss any anonymous men in the metro today.


technorati tags: tongue, torture